Nose4news editor commits seppuku

KUALA LUMPUR — Hassan Skodeng, the editor of Nose4news, a weblog that posts absolutely fake news, has committed ‘seppuku’, the Japanese custom of killing one’s self by stabbing one’s self with a sword, after a considerable number of readers believed the crap he put online.

In a written statement found beside his cold carcass, Hassan said that he couldn’t take how fucking dumb some people can be, believing the bullshit he concocted, despite putting so many obvious qualifiers about the false nature of his posts.

“It embarrasses me how these so-called cyber-literate oafs can react so angrily at the jokes I write. I tell them early on, from the get-go, that it’s all absolute fiction, total horsecrap. True lies. And yet they still think what I write is true.”

Hassan also expressed his disappointment that the image of Pinocchio with an elongated nose and the line “The truth is out there (not in here)” wasn’t enough to convince some readers that he’s only kidding, and that whatever he spews out on the site is utter bull.

“You’d think that everyone who could read would know the story of Pinocchio and how his nose would grow longer if he lied,” wrote Hassan, in his own blood. “And when I used the X-Files line of ‘The Truth is Out there, not in here’, what the fucking hell did they think I meant with that?”

Hassan added that he regrets making his fib tales sound too realistic.

“I should have stayed away from realistic things like relocating entire states and people going up to outer space to evade the law. Or retired politicians becoming Care Bears and stuff. Those sound completely plausible.

“I should’ve stuck to writing about Voltron and Ultraman,” he said. “I’m sure no dumbass with an ounce of intelligence would believe that they exist.

“Maybe.”