KUALA LUMPUR — In a bid to raise awareness of the dangers of dengue fever, Malaysia’s Ministry of Health has announced that it has entered into a collaboration with the Ministry of Tourism to make the Aedes mosquito the country’s official bird.
Aedes, a genus of mosquito typically identified by black and white stripe markings on their body and legs, was originally found in tropical and subtropical zones, but has spread by human activity to all continents excluding Antarctica. Several of the species transmit important human diseases and one species, Aedes albopictus, is the most invasive mosquito in the world, spreading yellow fever and the dreaded dengue. In Malaysia, the disease is so rampant that it is not uncommon to read about fatal cases every other week.
“We figured, people weren’t taking dengue fever seriously enough,” said Minister of Health Datuk Seri Dr Liow Tiong Lai at the announcement ceremony in Putrajaya, attended by Minister of Tourism, Datuk Seri Dr Ng Yen Yen. “I mean, we’re talking about anywhere between 700 to 800 dengue cases being reported every single week. Obviously, despite all the anti-dengue and anti-Aedes campaigns that we’ve run all these years, people aren’t taking notice, let alone taking it seriously. So one day, while I was bitching about this to my colleague Dr Ng here, a lightbulb lit.”
“It was a momentous occasion,” said Dr Ng, excitedly. “There he was, getting all worked up about how to get the message across to
the thick-headed Malaysians out there about how deadly the Aedes mosquito is, and coincidentally I was in the middle of trying to figure out which bird I’d pick to be the national bird. We were like, ‘Eureka!’
“Think about it,” she added. “The tourism ministry was searching a bird species that is indigenous to our land, one that is both unique, beautiful and exudes all the quality we can be proud of. The Aedes has it all!”
Gesturing toward a large scale replica of the killer mosquito, Dr Ng said, “Look at these aethetically-pleasing stripes on the limbs, thorax and abdomen. They’re absolutely gorgeous! And to think that the Aedes is extremely resistant to whatever poison people spray, we’ll never have to worry about our national bird ever going extinct!”
Dr Liow added, “It is hoped that when we declare the Aedes mosquito as a national bird, effectively raising this beautiful creature’s status as a national icon, Malaysians in general will open their eyes to the dangers of having them around, hence would do the necessary to rid themselves of this scourge.”
Dr Liow then announced that the two ministries have entered into an MOU to share their budget, to produce a two-in-one advertising awareness campaign over the next year, totalling about RM12.75 million.
“We’d be telling people to take notice of this national bird, to appreciate its beauty and tenacity, and then, to kill it!” said Dr Liow, stomping his right fist onto his left palm, like how the Shieldtox muscular guy does it in the ads, to the laughter of the Press attending the event.
Dr Ng added, “We’ll also be launching a nationwide roadshow to educate the public about Aedes and dengue, in addition to special edition stamps, website, print ads, billboards and TV commercials. We’ll have story-telling contests, concerts by Faizal Tahir, Reshmonu and Suki, who will be singing about the positive qualities of the Aedes mosquito, and the virtues of destroying the buzzing beasts. Hopefully, these efforts will draw attention of Malaysians to them.
“The talented dancers at Tourism ministry have also created a new dance, sort of a variation of the poco-poco 1Malaysia dance, the only difference being the dancers would be in black-and-white striped body suits with wings.”
“Not to forget those cute mosquito bottoms!” added Dr Liow, laughing.
NOTE: Seeing how gullible some folk can be, I’ve decided to add this little disclaimer at the end of every article after this: THIS IS A JOKE. A PARODY. IT IS UNTRUE. DO NOT BELIEVE THIS PIECE OF GARBAGE AS ACTUAL NEWS.