SEKSYEN 19, SHAH ALAM — A primary school in Shah Alam, Selangor has expressed interest in signing Manchester United star Wayne Rooney for their 2011 inter-school football campaign. Announcing the grand intention at a Press Conference today, Sekolah Rendah Agama (Integrasi) Seksyen 19 football coach cum Guru Sukan (Evening Session) Cikgu Johan Johari, 32, said that the school is currently negotiating with the English player’s agents to bring him in before the new school session begins in January.
“We have actually been considering signing Mr Rooney since the middle of last year,” said Cikgu Johan. “But there was always some sort of issue that cropped up, like lack of funding and immigration issues. Plus, at the time, Mr Rooney wasn’t really interested in leaving MU. Now that he’s announced his departure from the Red Devils, he’s certainly welcomed here in Skuad Harimau Kecil,” added Cikgu Johan, referring to the school team’s nickname.
Cikgu Johan said that the £20 million Premier League striker would be a natural addition to the team. “We welcome him with open arms, despite all the personal issues that have plagued him recently. For us at the school, we believe in second chances, and we look at him as a footballer first, and celebrity second. We think his playing style fits our team best, where attack forms the backbone of our strategy, coupled with a strong defence and flexible middle players.
“He’s quite talented,” said Cikgu Johan, matter-of-factly. “Almost as good as I was when I was younger back in college, I might add.
“So he’ll fit in quite effortlessly in our team. We’ve had a vacancy in our striker position after our previous attacker Kamil Yaakob graduated Year 6 and took his talent to MCKK last year, so his timing to leave MU is perfect.”
“Mr Rooney would find himself really at home here in Seksyen 19,” he added warmly. “The people here are really friendly, houses are quite cheap and good food is aplenty. For example, my house up in Jalan Landak is just a short walking distance to where the Nasi Lemak Ayam Rempah stall is.. And there are two 7-Elevens in the vicinity, not to mention clinics, polyclinics and 24-hour mamak shops. It’s paradise. In fact, I believe his home maker wife Colleen would find Shah Alam a very condusive place to start a family, what with caring neighbours and a close-knit community.”
Cikgu Johan said that the school was prepared to pay the multi-million ringgit cost to get hold of the football star, currently spokesperson for a multitude of international brands and reportedly earns more than £100,000 a week in wages and sponsorship deals.
“We had anticipated the cost, really. We are quite prepared to spend the necessary amount to get talent. We have quite a healthy bank account, thanks to our many activities the past couple of years, like Open Day, Hari Bendera and the PIBG Charity Dinner,” said Cikgu Johan confidently.
The teacher however said that if Rooney decides to come over, it would not be a walk in the park for the star.
“Look, we want to pay him money to help us win games and the championship,” said Cikgu Johan. “It’s not going to be a holiday. We train very hard, three times a week in the evenings, so he would have to step it up. He may be a star but here, Mr Rooney would have to prove to me and his team mates his worth.
“I’ll start him in easy games first, to expose him slowly to the high standards here. If he shows that he can be as good as my boys, he can slowly he can climb his way up and start in important games, like the one with Sekolah Menengah Seapark in July. If he shows me that he can really play, I’ll include him in our championship matches later in the year.
“But opportunities don’t come easily. If he’s worthy, he can go far.”