Tag Archives: TNB

Hassan Skodeng a free baboon!

DIFFICULT CLIENT: Jahaberdeen trying to discuss the case with an unattentive Hassan at the court cafetaria

PETALING JAYA — In a landmark decision this morning, the Petaling Jaya Sessions Court freed the editor of Nose4news, Hassan Skodeng, after the public prosecutors classified his case of writing lies with regards to TNB and Earth Hour as ‘DNAA’ (discharge not amounting to acquittal).

Speaking at the court cafetaria after the court ruling, Mr Skodeng expressed his relief at the turn of events.

“Naturally I’m quite pleased with the decision,” said the baboon, as he sipped his teh tarik, his red bottom cheeks glowing radiantly with happiness. “I’ve always maintained that the article I wrote was purely fictional, and written in jest without any malice intended, so I’m glad everyone’s sensibility and sense of humour prevailed.”

Hassan was charged under section 233(1) of the Multimedia and Communications Act in September last year after a fictional parody he wrote earned the wrath of TNB, Malaysia’s national power company. In his satire, TNB was said to be upset with the World Wildlife Fund (WWF) for organising the annual Earth Hour, in which participants turn off non-essential lights for an hour in support of energy conservation.

“I’m just glad it’s over,” added Hassan, as onlookers jeered in disgust over having a naked baboon in the court complex. “For months I’ve been having sleepless nights, wondering what would happen to my wife and kids if I were jailed. But now that everyone’s cool again, I can finally get back to foraging the jungle, looking for fruits and stuff — you know, whatever baboons and mandrills do.”

Hassan’s counsel Datuk Jahaberdeen Mohd Yunoos said that he was thrilled that the case was over.

“I’m just happy I don’t have to deal with primates again,” he said, with a look of relief. “At the beginning of the case I thought, here’s a baboon being prosecuted for his … uh… wild sense of humour, and he deserved justice. But in hindsight, I probably should have stuck to defending humans. He was uncooperative, could not focus on the case and was always up to no good.

“And for goodness sake, I never knew how much wild animals stank until I met this guy.”

Looking appreciatively, Hassan said, “Well I’ve only got good things to say about Datuk J. He smells good. He da man.”

“And he da baboon,” said Jahaberdeen, dismissively as he walked off. “Never again.”

Hassan also expressed his deep gratitude to all those who had supported him throughout this ordeal. “First of all, to my wife, sorry. But you’re stuck with me. And to all the bloggers, friends both online and off, Nose4news readers, family and colleagues — thank you. I shall try to keep myself out of trouble from now on.

“No promises though. I am still a baboon.”

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Nose4news editor Hassan Skodeng says sorry for sounding real

HASSAN SKODENG: "Sorry."

KUALA LUMPUR — The editor of Nose4News has apologised to TNB president and CEO, Dato’ Sri Che Khalib Mohd Noh, the staff and stakeholders of Tenaga Nasional Berhad (TNB), along with Nose4News readers and Malaysians in general for making his fake news sound too real.

In a statement read by his lawyer cum occasional punching bag, Leman Keding, Hassan said that he was sorry to have caused such ruckus, and that he didn’t mean to make anyone believe his extraordinarily stinky crap.

“I have been rather naughty, I have to admit,” said Hassan. “In coming up with this rotten piece of doo-doo, I had probably used too many realistic elements, and not concocting enough bullshit to keep the fake news sound fake-ish. Perhaps I should have referred to the TNB president and CEO by his actual alien name, Klathoxx-513, instead of the name he uses on Earth and one he is most known by.

“I formally apologise to Che Khalib, his staff and their family members for this irresponsible writing. TNB is a fine organisation, and every member of TNB works selflessly to keep the nation supplied with electricity.

“To all Malaysians, I also apologise for sounding like I was telling the truth. I wish to clarify that TNB is NOT suing the World Wildlife Foundation (WWF), or anyone, for that matter, for organising the Earth Hour. In fact, TNB fully supports the Earth Hour global project, and any effort to conserve energy.”

Hassan also implores all Nose4news readers to stop believing his lies, no matter how true they sound.

“Apparently all the warnings I placed all over Nose4News that everything on this site is pure fiction, true lies, pure horsecrap and has nothing to do with anybody alive, dead, undead and unalive, are not sufficient to keep everyone disbelieving my bullshit. For that, I am truly sorry.

“I also would like to take this opportunity to further clarify on my previous writings,” continued Hassan regretfully.

“Sabah and Sarawak will NOT be relocated to the peninsular at a cost of RM850 trillion. The world does not have that kind of money.

“Bill Gates did NOT patent the word ‘Fuck’, so everyone may continue using the term without fear of being billed by Microsoft.

“Ultraman did NOT kill an endangered giant crocodile. As far as I know, Ultraman has not killed any benevolent creature, by accident or on purpose. He is a responsible and caring gigantic superhero. Love him to bits.

“Malaysia did NOT enlist Voltron or any other giant robot to help tackle the economic crisis, and the country is also NOT planning to triple the Scenic Bridge.

“And lastly, Asia’s Biggest Loser champion David Gurnani has NOT lost all his weight. Mr Gurnani is still very much not weightless, even if he looks like he is.

“As you can see above, my lies sound very credible. It’s almost like I work at CNN or something. I’m such a bastard.”

Hassan promises to not sound too real in his future articles, and will include bolder and clearer warnings so that his fictional creations will no longer be believed by anyone with a reasonable amount of sensibility and even half-an-ounce of intelligence.

“Again, I’m sorry. I swear, on the name of my mother’s cousin’s uncle-twice-removed, the next time I write, I’ll make it obvious that I’m only bullshitting. And that, is the truth. Really.”

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