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Satan appalled by Petknode duo

DEPTHS OF HELL — Satan today expressed his disgust at the level of cruelty and nonchalance displayed by the owners of Petknode, the ‘pet hostel’ found to have housed over 90 cats, in addition to more than 200 others in their private residence, in highly deplorable conditions during the Raya holidays. About a dozen were already dead by the time rescue arrived, while the rest were dying, most nothing but skin and bones.

Speaking from his brimstone throne, the Dark Lord said that even he, in his eons of evil existence, has not gone down that low or shown such lack of humanity and mercy. Adding that it’s not often he’s ever been shocked by anything, he didn’t think humans were capable of abandoning 300 cats and kittens to a slow and painful death.

“The first time I read about it, I thought it was fiction, honestly,” said Satan, shaking his head in disbelief. “I never figured such crass cruelty and absolute disrespect for life could originate from human beings. It’s heartbreaking.

“But these two cruel bastards, their actions brought tears to my eyes,” said the Evil One, holding back his emotions as he looked at pictures of the abandoned cats, some too weak to even move. “As evil and badass as I am, I wouldn’t think of putting defenseless creatures in such horrid environments. Even in Hell we only torture those who deserve it. What have the little kitties done to deserve such treatment?”

Satan ended his statement by issuing a stern warning to the Petknode owners and other animal abusers.

“Your Earthly laws may not get you,” said Satan, referring to the unnecessarily forgiving animal protection laws in Malaysia. “You may think you’ll get away with fines, yes, but your time will come, you heartless bastards. I’ve got something special waiting for you in the fiery pits of Hades. Though it’ll never compare to the conditions you put the cats through, I can assure you that I’ll try my very best to make it — um, ‘hospitable’ — for you. Perhaps, something involving my fiery pitchfork being shoved up somewhere.

“We’ll get friendly, you worthless piece of shit.”

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