Tag Archives: ibrahim ali

Ibrahim Ali appointed Minister of Awesomeness

KUALA LUMPUR — PERKASA president and all-around perfect guy Datuk Ibrahim Ali today expressed his gratitude and happiness to be included in Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak’s new cabinet line-up, heading the newly set-up Ministry of Awesomeness (Kementerian Kedahsyatan).

Speaking at a Press conference filled with journalists awed by his overwhelming awesomeness, Ibrahim said that his perfect, manly and chiseled figure, coupled with his stunning and flawless facial structure, made him the ideal candidate for the post.

OVERWHELMING AWESOMENESS: Ibrahim showing his hyper-awesome aura

OVERWHELMING AWESOMENESS: Ibrahim showing his hyper-awesome aura

“I don’t want to brag, but I am the obvious choice to head the ministry in charge of everything awesome in the country,” said Ibrahim confidently. “It’s natural selection.”

Oozing with greatness, the supreme leader continued, “No other leader exudes the level of perfection that I nonchalantly display. Try as they may, but they all pale in comparison. It’s not their fault, really. I’m just born this way.

“I mean, have you seen this?” he asked, flashing his ripped biceps to the pleasure of the ladies in the room and abject horror of the male reporters squirming in shame.

“Other people need to put in a lot of effort to be as outstanding, sexy and desirable but I, well, I just have to be me,” he added, his face glowing radiantly with love and magic.

Ibrahim also said that his appointment by the PM was not only due to his physical perfection, but his unparalleled substance too.

“I know it’s hard to believe, but the PM really looked past my good physical features in picking me for the job. He said to me, ‘Ibrahim, I want a cabinet that is more than skin deep, so please don’t get upset that I’m not looking at you directly when speaking to you. I don’t want to be swayed by your good looks.’

BIG RESPONSIBILITY: The new Ministry of Awesomeness

BIG RESPONSIBILITY: The new Ministry of Awesomeness

“I told him that I understood his need to have ministers with substance, and I fully respected that. Fortunately, I have unsurpassed intelligence and unchallenged moral compass, so that didn’t affect his decision to exclude physical beauty in his assessment,” said Ibrahim reflectively, as vapours eminated from his head due to his brain working beyond normal human capacity.

The handsome specimen of the perfect human being said that he would ensure that his ministry makes Malaysia  more awesome.

“The target is clear, make Malaysia a High Awesomeness Nation by 2020,” he said. “The rakyat have spoken, and the message is clear: they want to live in an awesome country, where everyone can be a little awesome too. The PM had promised that we SHALL be awesome, so I will ensure this Janji gets Ditepati.

“As such, I will use my limitless super-sapien abilities and personal experience being awesome to initiate projects that will benefit everyone, regardless of race, religion, social- and economic standing as well as political affiliation,” he affirmed, tears of joy and commitment streaming down his smooth cheeks. “I will work tirelessly to ensure that we all will have perfect lives, with absolutely nothing to complain about.

“I am the Awesome Minister for ALL Malaysians. I, am yours.”

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Ibrahim Ali is Superkasa

KUALA LUMPUR — In a move to boost its powers, the independent-but-BN-friendly Pertubuhan Pribumi Perkasa (Perkasa), an NGO championing bumiputra rights today annouced that its president, Datuk Ibrahim Ali, has been elevated to superhero status, and he will from now on be known throughout the universe as ‘Superkasa’.

FUAD: Superkasa's da man!

Speaking at a Press Conference at its Federal Territory headquarters in Sg. Besi, Perkasa deputy president Datuk Fuad Hassan said that this move was in line with the organisation’s goal of influencing policies in the country and the region.

“Since our inception in September 2008, Perkasa has strived to fight for the rights bumiputras,” said Fuad, as his exco members smiled and nodded in unison. “We have notched quite a few commendable achievements so far, with many memoranda handed out to different people, police reports made against those ungrateful fools who dared to speak in disrespect to the pribumis, and several high-profile pickets and demonstrations in front of embassies to show our dissatisfaction. Very big and impressive displays, I must say.

“But all our efforts pale in comparison to what our Great President, Datuk Ibrahim Ali, has achieved just by being himself.

“His super-supreme leadership, far-sightedness, global vision and not to mention his charming and infectious personality has elevated Perkasa from a small NGO to a national force, nay, a universal force,” he added.

“He da man.”

Fuad then elaborated by listing down Ibrahim’s many positive attributes, from his soul-penetrating gaze to his rib-tickling guffaw.

“But the best — and most important — thing about our Great President, is that he is intelligent beyond reproach. A sheer genius. His smarts simply blows us away. He could sneeze and we’d be left paralysed in awe of his profoundness.

“So, we have decided to accord him with a status befitting a super-man like him. He is now… Superkasa!” proclaimed Fuad loudly, as technicians dimmed the room lights, replacing them with multi-coloured spotlights focused on one corner. There, as a traditional Gamelan group enthusiastically played the theme song from Superman, a shrouded figure emerged amid the dry ice smoke, shocking all those present. As the smoke cleared, the figure removed his robe, revealing a superheroisque, muscular and utterly incredible Ibrahim, smiling majestically.

MAJESTIC: Superkasa with his Keris Kebenaran

“I… AM… SUPERKASAAAAA!” yelled Ibrahim in a deep but melodious baritone voice, his sexy, ripping muscles causing several female reporters to faint, bodies twitching in ecstasy.

Ibrahim then swaggered to the front of the room to join the other exco members, making sure to flash his beautiful smile at everyone and flexed his biceps every other step before sitting down.

“Firstly, I must apologise for being too incredible,” said Superkasa, gesturing towards the Perkasa staff reviving the unconscious female journalists. “I understand that my greatness can be overwhelming. Being the supersexy, ultimate Jantan Melayu does have its drawbacks, at least to other people,” he added, his genius sense of humour drawing laughter from all those present.

Fuad continued, “As you can witness, our super President now is even better than before, and he will lead Perkasa into the next century and beyond!”

Moving his left and right chest muscles up and down alternately as he spoke, Ibrahim/Superkasa said, “This is indeed an honour for me. As Ibrahim Ali, even though I was the epitome of greatness, I had my limits. I was a mere human being. A weak homo sapien. With my wits, intelligence and charm, I could only move people.

“But now, I can move mountains!” he proclaimed, as he lifted the heavy oak table in front of him with his two index fingers. He then humbly said that his new superpowers include the ability to shoot killer laser rays from his eyes, the power to stupefy enemies with killer pantun verses, the ability to extract the kind of truths that he wants to hear (with his Keris Kebenaran), and, by putting on and taking off his majestic songkok, the ability to jump political divides with amazing speed.

“I… AM… SUPERKASAAAAAAAAAAAA!” he further exclaimed.

As the audience again got excited with a few more female reporters writhing in uncontrolable pleasure, Superkasa sat down and said, “Calm down, citizens. My powers and greatness is not merely for creating pleasure, but have a serious purpose.

“It is my duty to further the objectives of Perkasa. With my new superpowers, I promise you this: I shall ensure that our goals are met.

“Our enemies shall relent, and give us what we want. We shall get whatever it is we’re looking for, by coaxing or coersion!

“For I… AM… SUUUUPEEERRKAAAASAAAAAAAA!!” exclaimed Ibrahim/Superkasa yet again for the final time, his eyes glowing with hope and fury as he floated over the table, across the room and out the door, to the Gamelan music of The Final Countdown and the audience’s cheers, marking the end of the Press Conference.

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