Tag Archives: hassan skodeng

Hassan Skodeng a free baboon!

DIFFICULT CLIENT: Jahaberdeen trying to discuss the case with an unattentive Hassan at the court cafetaria

PETALING JAYA — In a landmark decision this morning, the Petaling Jaya Sessions Court freed the editor of Nose4news, Hassan Skodeng, after the public prosecutors classified his case of writing lies with regards to TNB and Earth Hour as ‘DNAA’ (discharge not amounting to acquittal).

Speaking at the court cafetaria after the court ruling, Mr Skodeng expressed his relief at the turn of events.

“Naturally I’m quite pleased with the decision,” said the baboon, as he sipped his teh tarik, his red bottom cheeks glowing radiantly with happiness. “I’ve always maintained that the article I wrote was purely fictional, and written in jest without any malice intended, so I’m glad everyone’s sensibility and sense of humour prevailed.”

Hassan was charged under section 233(1) of the Multimedia and Communications Act in September last year after a fictional parody he wrote earned the wrath of TNB, Malaysia’s national power company. In his satire, TNB was said to be upset with the World Wildlife Fund (WWF) for organising the annual Earth Hour, in which participants turn off non-essential lights for an hour in support of energy conservation.

“I’m just glad it’s over,” added Hassan, as onlookers jeered in disgust over having a naked baboon in the court complex. “For months I’ve been having sleepless nights, wondering what would happen to my wife and kids if I were jailed. But now that everyone’s cool again, I can finally get back to foraging the jungle, looking for fruits and stuff — you know, whatever baboons and mandrills do.”

Hassan’s counsel Datuk Jahaberdeen Mohd Yunoos said that he was thrilled that the case was over.

“I’m just happy I don’t have to deal with primates again,” he said, with a look of relief. “At the beginning of the case I thought, here’s a baboon being prosecuted for his … uh… wild sense of humour, and he deserved justice. But in hindsight, I probably should have stuck to defending humans. He was uncooperative, could not focus on the case and was always up to no good.

“And for goodness sake, I never knew how much wild animals stank until I met this guy.”

Looking appreciatively, Hassan said, “Well I’ve only got good things to say about Datuk J. He smells good. He da man.”

“And he da baboon,” said Jahaberdeen, dismissively as he walked off. “Never again.”

Hassan also expressed his deep gratitude to all those who had supported him throughout this ordeal. “First of all, to my wife, sorry. But you’re stuck with me. And to all the bloggers, friends both online and off, Nose4news readers, family and colleagues — thank you. I shall try to keep myself out of trouble from now on.

“No promises though. I am still a baboon.”

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THE TRUTH CHRONICLES: Hassan’s troubles with the law

HASSAN SKODENG SPEAKS THE TRUTH (FOR THIS POST, AT LEAST):

OK, obviously my name’s not Hassan Skodeng. I won’t reveal my name just yet, coz I don’t think this humour site’s about me. It’s about the jokes. The obviously unreal, completely and honestly fake jokes.

But today, reality caught up with me.

When it was reported in the news that TNB had, indeed, reported ‘that’ blog post to the MCMC, I knew this silly joke had gone out of hand. So I did what any responsible baboon would do — I contacted the MCMC directly to clarify my position. Coz’ the last thing I want is for the authorities to act based on only one side of the story and believe whatever TNB said, without hearing my side.

The MCMC people, honestly, are a good bunch of people (and no, I’m not sucking up to them. My fate is not in their hands, it’s now in the Attorney General’s DPP’s hands). They are (based on my own experience anyways) professional, thorough and polite as ever. They responded with courtesy and dignity, and expressed their desire to settle this case as soon as possible. But since someone had filed an official report, a complaint against this blog, they have no choice but to act.

So I spent about 3 hours giving my statement to MCMC in Cyberjaya this morning, bringing everything from my blog stats (to show them when the post was up, and when I deleted it) to all sorts of printouts, and explained the satirical nature of the blog. I told them that I was in fact pissed off that a stupid joke that does no one harm (other than some bruised egos, I guess) became something so big. I said that I wish they didn’t have to pursue this case, seeing how there are SO many other more important cases to work on (those guys are overworked, really. On average, an enforcement officer has 20 cases to work on at any one time!).

Anyway, after the interview, I read my statement, signed it (I believe that in Law, the truth is the ultimate defence). The officers then followed me to my office in PJ to ‘sita’ the CPU of the PC on which I wrote the ‘offending’ story. Police warrant in hand, they took pictures of the PC CPU (even the network cable — apparently it’s necessary as evidence), took snapshots of the blog, wrote stuff and bundled the CPU away (until their forensics lab are done with it).

BUt again, these officers were a polite and respectful bunch, and I understand their position. They have their orders, and were just menjalankan tugas. Kudos to them. And I apologise to them for wasting their time and energy.

My case is now up to the investigating officers’ recommendations, and the AG’s DPP’s definition. It’s filed under section 233 of the Multimedia Act (writing/spreading imappropriate material with the intent to hurt — or something like that, only in BM). I’m hoping that everybody chills and look at this for what it truly is — a silly joke. Parody. Heck, even the PM’s been parodied so many times in blogs and cartoons, and he’s cool about it. Maybe TNB’s a wee bit too serious about themselves, yes? I mean, is Earth Hour part of their national KPI or something? Did they lose money from my fake blogpost, which was erroneously lifted off and reposted elesewhere as ‘actual news’? I don’t know. Ain’t a lawyer. Just a red-arsed baboon.

So that’s it. I think I’ll take a break from writing crap for a while. This fake blog was created as a stress relief. I like writing jokes, and I enjoy making people laugh and destress. God knows the world is serious enough.

SO people, keep laughing. Keep smiling. I’ll write again if I get inspired and feel less disheartened by this whole surreal episode.

Till then, PEACE OUT! =)

Hassan Skodeng

NOTE: I would encourage anyone who had taken my posting on Earth Hour (before it was deleted) and copied it on their own sites, t0 delete it, or at least take it out of public view. The case is now ongoing — and although it has nothing to do with any other site, I wouldn’t want anyone else to be involved now, would I?

The Cyberjaya folks are watching…

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Nose4news editor Hassan Skodeng says sorry for sounding real

HASSAN SKODENG: "Sorry."

KUALA LUMPUR — The editor of Nose4News has apologised to TNB president and CEO, Dato’ Sri Che Khalib Mohd Noh, the staff and stakeholders of Tenaga Nasional Berhad (TNB), along with Nose4News readers and Malaysians in general for making his fake news sound too real.

In a statement read by his lawyer cum occasional punching bag, Leman Keding, Hassan said that he was sorry to have caused such ruckus, and that he didn’t mean to make anyone believe his extraordinarily stinky crap.

“I have been rather naughty, I have to admit,” said Hassan. “In coming up with this rotten piece of doo-doo, I had probably used too many realistic elements, and not concocting enough bullshit to keep the fake news sound fake-ish. Perhaps I should have referred to the TNB president and CEO by his actual alien name, Klathoxx-513, instead of the name he uses on Earth and one he is most known by.

“I formally apologise to Che Khalib, his staff and their family members for this irresponsible writing. TNB is a fine organisation, and every member of TNB works selflessly to keep the nation supplied with electricity.

“To all Malaysians, I also apologise for sounding like I was telling the truth. I wish to clarify that TNB is NOT suing the World Wildlife Foundation (WWF), or anyone, for that matter, for organising the Earth Hour. In fact, TNB fully supports the Earth Hour global project, and any effort to conserve energy.”

Hassan also implores all Nose4news readers to stop believing his lies, no matter how true they sound.

“Apparently all the warnings I placed all over Nose4News that everything on this site is pure fiction, true lies, pure horsecrap and has nothing to do with anybody alive, dead, undead and unalive, are not sufficient to keep everyone disbelieving my bullshit. For that, I am truly sorry.

“I also would like to take this opportunity to further clarify on my previous writings,” continued Hassan regretfully.

“Sabah and Sarawak will NOT be relocated to the peninsular at a cost of RM850 trillion. The world does not have that kind of money.

“Bill Gates did NOT patent the word ‘Fuck’, so everyone may continue using the term without fear of being billed by Microsoft.

“Ultraman did NOT kill an endangered giant crocodile. As far as I know, Ultraman has not killed any benevolent creature, by accident or on purpose. He is a responsible and caring gigantic superhero. Love him to bits.

“Malaysia did NOT enlist Voltron or any other giant robot to help tackle the economic crisis, and the country is also NOT planning to triple the Scenic Bridge.

“And lastly, Asia’s Biggest Loser champion David Gurnani has NOT lost all his weight. Mr Gurnani is still very much not weightless, even if he looks like he is.

“As you can see above, my lies sound very credible. It’s almost like I work at CNN or something. I’m such a bastard.”

Hassan promises to not sound too real in his future articles, and will include bolder and clearer warnings so that his fictional creations will no longer be believed by anyone with a reasonable amount of sensibility and even half-an-ounce of intelligence.

“Again, I’m sorry. I swear, on the name of my mother’s cousin’s uncle-twice-removed, the next time I write, I’ll make it obvious that I’m only bullshitting. And that, is the truth. Really.”

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