Tag Archives: 2010

Psychic predicts next year will be 2011

KUALA LUMPUR — A well-respected fortune teller has announced recently that she predicts next year will be 2011.

MADAM GRACE: Psychic with 100% accuracy

Madam Grace, who last month successfully predicted the results of the 2010 World Cup with 100 percent accuracy, told reporters that she had a vision two nights ago, where an apparition resembling her deceased great great grand-auntie, another well-known soothsayer back in her days, told her that there was an ‘almost absolute likelihood’ that the year 2011 will commence, as soon as this year, 2010, ends.

“It was quite clear in my vision,” said the chain-smoking psychic at the Press conference held at her mansion in Bukit Damanasara, explaining her epiphany. “My great great grand auntie, the greatest clairvoyant the world has ever seen, told me that not only will 2011 fall next year, but she was very explicit about the date — it will happen on January 1, at the stroke of midnight, local time,” much to the amazement of those present.

The famous but reclusive ‘futurist’, as she likes to call herself, revealed that contrary to some longheld beliefs, 2011 will not begin in three year’s time, but instead will arrive much sooner than most expect.

“Believe me when I say, prepare thyselves! The New Year will be upon us in merely weeks, so it would be prudent to start making arrangements for its arrival,” she said sternly as the seasoned journalists stayed transfixed, in awe of her profoundness. “Close your accounts, prepare new ones. Buy your children’s new school supplies, for the new year’s schooldays will begin.

“And for God’s sake, get new daily planners.”

Madam Grace, who famously predicted most of the global events merely days or sometimes years after they happened, including the economic downturn, the 2008 general elections and the demise of Michael Jackson, warned that those who take her predictions lightly will pay the price.

“Heed my call, I urge you! Like my great great grand auntie, I have been chosen by the powers that be to be able to see the future! Remember the Titanic tragedy? My great great grand auntie forsaw it and warned everyone two full weeks after the great ship sunk! Two weeks! Did anyone listen? No! Hence, the horrific and utterly avoidable loss of lives,” related the celebrated psychic, whose clients include political strategists, economic analysts and sports betting practitioners who rely on her tarrot card, tea leaf and rune-reading capabilities, in addition to her magical visions.

“So I urge you, Malaysians, to make the necessary preparations, for there are many events to come. 2010 will be drawing to a close, but not before another life-changing event happens: I predict that Christmas Day will fall on December 25 — exactly SIX DAYS before 2011 arrives! Do you see the significance?” she asked excitedly, as the reporters try to decipher the tarrot cards she nonchalantly arranged on the table.

As everyone present struggled to come to terms with her startling revelation, Madam Grace continued with yet another bombshell, “Here’s something to ponder: I predict, on my great great grand auntie’s grave, that 2011 will NOT be a leap year, and there will be precisely 365 days before the year ends!”

Asked what next year — this mysterious ‘2011’ — brings for all, Madam Grace, thankfully, gave a positive outlook.

“Malaysia will experience a positive and healthy economic growth, provided that the economy does not experience a downturn,” she said, matter-of-factly. “I believe each one of us will find love, but only IF we have not already found it or love is not there for us to find. And life, in general, will continue throughout the year — but only on one condition: if we do not die within the year.”

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Police warns of overhappy new year celebration

KUALA LUMPUR — IN a move to curb immoral and illegal activities, the police today warned all those who are planning to celebrate the New Year to not overdo it by being excessively happy. 

TAN SRI MUSA: Hopes for a vice-free New Year celebration

 

“Every year we’ve had to deal with revellers getting too happy, drunk and rowdy, displaying improper behaviours in public and even damaging properties,” said Inspector General of Police, Tan Sri Musa Hassan at a briefing this morning. “This year, we’re being proactive and issuing a warning early on, that such overhappy behaviours will not be tolerated. We are a multi-racial, 1Malaysia society, with many cultural sensitivities, so everyone would have to keep a lid on their excitement levels, in order to keep our peace and harmony.” 

Musa said that a special task force has been set up to look for tell-tale signs of overhappiness during the eve of 2010, like groups laughing together, being merry, hugging, and other vile behaviours. 

The Overhappiness to Death Chart

“The team will be vigilant. Heaven knows overhappiness is the root of all vice and social ills,” he said, as he unveiled a chart showing the direct correlation between excessive happiness and the consecutive pain and suffering. “Here, an uncareful reveller will start his or her new year celebrations with being too happy. Next, would come the alcohol, psychotropic drugs and other illegal substances, coupled with wild merriment with friends. 

“And before you know it, pain, suffering, and death.” 

Musa however, said that it is not the police’s intention to be a party pooper or to curb happiness among citizens per se. 

“Of course we want every Malaysian to be happy. However, how happy does one get before others get unhappy with his happiness? Just like rights and freedom — there is a certain limit to it. You are free to exercise your rights, but not until your rights impede of the rights of others. Same thing with happiness. We cannot be too happy until others become unhappy. 

“Sure, we all want to celebrate the coming of the new year. But we also have to remember that in a multi-cultural society like ours, we have to respect the feelings of others. If we go crazy celebrating without limits, what about those who do not celebrate the new year? 

“We want everyone to usher in 2010 in a pleasant, polite manner, and not by displaying wild and shameful behaviours that would embarrass the country. Key word here is ‘pleasant’. No need to be too excited about a new year. No need to be too happy. 

“Besides, 2009 hasn’t been such a happy year for everyone anyways, what with economic uncertainties, alarming crime rates and other crap we find in society. Why should 2010 be any different? 

“So, have a Tolerable New Year. Pleasant, at best.”

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