American Idol loser Lauren Alaina plots revenge

HOLLYWOOD — American Idol season 10 first runner up Lauren Alaina has announced that she will have her revenge against winner Scott McCleery very soon.

A CHOKE TOO LOOSE: Alaina wished she had finished him off earlier when she had the chance

Speaking right after the finale show, where McCleery took the title after a nationwide vote, Alaina said that ‘the prick will get it, for sure’.

“Yeah, that’s right. ‘Runner Up’. That’s just another word for ‘ Freaking Loser’,” said the 16 year-old, angrily. “Everyone knows that crown’s supposed to be mine, and not that country bum. MINE!

“I mean, come on! I’ve got more talent and charisma in my middle finger than that Elvis impersonator’s whole body. This is a gross miscarriage of justice,” she added, while flipping the said finger to reporters.

“One thing for sure, I ain’t taking this lying down. If that boring butthead thinks he’ll be enjoying his ‘well-deserved’ win, he’s got another thing comin’,” she continued. “It’s not fair, the world knows it, and I’ll make sure he pays for this humiliation. Oh yeah.”

Alaina then proceeded to describe her elaborate scheme.

“The first thing is to start a psych internet warfare. At this very moment, my cybertroopers have begun planting propaganda materials on that skinny bastard on every known site and possible database. My team — Team Alaina! Woohoo! — had spent the last few months collecting all sorts of dirt on each of the Top 12 for this purpose. Now, it’s time to use it. The world will see what kind of an asshole he is,” she said excitedly, before breaking into a loud, shrieky guffaw. “By the time he’s done, that boy will be wishin’ he’s back in his little town, milkin’ cows, y’all.”

Taking out a poster of the 17-year-old McCreery and tearing it in half, Alaina continued, “And if that doesn’t kill him, we’ll deploy our aerial attacks and smart cruise missile assault campaign. My nuclear submarines and aircraft carrier combat fleet are at Defcon-2 level, parked at the coastline waiting for my orders. All it takes is just me giving the go-ahead and that mo-fo’s toast,” she said, snapping her fingers.

“We all know why he so-called ‘won’, right?” asked the teenager from Georgia. “It’s those stupid tweens, that’s why! Dumbass little schoolgirls who couldn’t tell the difference between real talent and flannel-wearing rednecks with Darth Vader’s voice. They’re the ones who made up the majority of the 100 million voters. Parents gave ’em cellphones to call home, and these morons blow their money on voting for prettyboys.

“Not that I’m saying Scott’s pretty. Ew. He looks like my uncle. And I hate my uncle,” she murmured, breathing heavily while slowly shearing McCreery’s torn poster into little pieces with a hunting knife.

“Anyway, ‘Congrats’, Scottie. Enjoy your five minutes of fame. If I were you, I’d check under my car for anything suspicious before I turn on the engine.”

10 Comments

Filed under Showbiz, World News

10 responses to “American Idol loser Lauren Alaina plots revenge

  1. LOL if only this were real ;P

  2. Isabelle

    I believe this is just a lie. You just make it up. And if Lauren really tell you this, then she’s

  3. halfey

    geez! How much longer until people realize everything here is a joke? Seriously the reason I’m here is to have some good laughs and share the fun but the stupid responses to the stuff posted here spoils the mood

  4. Bailey

    What a load of lies!! If you had watched the showings then you would know the words are not true. Please, they don’t need this type of news!

  5. Must have attracted readers from all over the world😀

  6. Hahahahahha….
    WHat a bunch of funny people who doesn’t read anything else

  7. C#

    =.= agrees with halfey’s second post

  8. Actually, seeing people’s indignant responses to your posts is fun as well!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s