Psychic predicts next year will be 2011

KUALA LUMPUR — A well-respected fortune teller has announced recently that she predicts next year will be 2011.

MADAM GRACE: Psychic with 100% accuracy

Madam Grace, who last month successfully predicted the results of the 2010 World Cup with 100 percent accuracy, told reporters that she had a vision two nights ago, where an apparition resembling her deceased great great grand-auntie, another well-known soothsayer back in her days, told her that there was an ‘almost absolute likelihood’ that the year 2011 will commence, as soon as this year, 2010, ends.

“It was quite clear in my vision,” said the chain-smoking psychic at the Press conference held at her mansion in Bukit Damanasara, explaining her epiphany. “My great great grand auntie, the greatest clairvoyant the world has ever seen, told me that not only will 2011 fall next year, but she was very explicit about the date — it will happen on January 1, at the stroke of midnight, local time,” much to the amazement of those present.

The famous but reclusive ‘futurist’, as she likes to call herself, revealed that contrary to some longheld beliefs, 2011 will not begin in three year’s time, but instead will arrive much sooner than most expect.

“Believe me when I say, prepare thyselves! The New Year will be upon us in merely weeks, so it would be prudent to start making arrangements for its arrival,” she said sternly as the seasoned journalists stayed transfixed, in awe of her profoundness. “Close your accounts, prepare new ones. Buy your children’s new school supplies, for the new year’s schooldays will begin.

“And for God’s sake, get new daily planners.”

Madam Grace, who famously predicted most of the global events merely days or sometimes years after they happened, including the economic downturn, the 2008 general elections and the demise of Michael Jackson, warned that those who take her predictions lightly will pay the price.

“Heed my call, I urge you! Like my great great grand auntie, I have been chosen by the powers that be to be able to see the future! Remember the Titanic tragedy? My great great grand auntie forsaw it and warned everyone two full weeks after the great ship sunk! Two weeks! Did anyone listen? No! Hence, the horrific and utterly avoidable loss of lives,” related the celebrated psychic, whose clients include political strategists, economic analysts and sports betting practitioners who rely on her tarrot card, tea leaf and rune-reading capabilities, in addition to her magical visions.

“So I urge you, Malaysians, to make the necessary preparations, for there are many events to come. 2010 will be drawing to a close, but not before another life-changing event happens: I predict that Christmas Day will fall on December 25 — exactly SIX DAYS before 2011 arrives! Do you see the significance?” she asked excitedly, as the reporters try to decipher the tarrot cards she nonchalantly arranged on the table.

As everyone present struggled to come to terms with her startling revelation, Madam Grace continued with yet another bombshell, “Here’s something to ponder: I predict, on my great great grand auntie’s grave, that 2011 will NOT be a leap year, and there will be precisely 365 days before the year ends!”

Asked what next year — this mysterious ‘2011’ — brings for all, Madam Grace, thankfully, gave a positive outlook.

“Malaysia will experience a positive and healthy economic growth, provided that the economy does not experience a downturn,” she said, matter-of-factly. “I believe each one of us will find love, but only IF we have not already found it or love is not there for us to find. And life, in general, will continue throughout the year — but only on one condition: if we do not die within the year.”

7 Comments

Filed under National News

7 responses to “Psychic predicts next year will be 2011

  1. hafiztajudin

    Bro, lu ni kan….GENIUSSSS!!!

    Bace tajuk jer aku dah jadi sengalllll!!!!

  2. halfey

    I predict, next month will be January. Don’t believe me? Just wait ;P

  3. Ganjaman

    I predict some morons in power won’t get this joke….

  4. Amazed

    Wow, the prediction came true. I’m so amazed by Madam Grace. LOL

  5. Laura Zunnurain

    LOL….very the creative mind….

  6. SengalSikit

    Brilliant joke..
    I predict that Valentine’s day falls on February 14..

  7. HOMAIGAWD! This madam grace, I need to see her! She knows her stuff goddamn well man..

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