WASHINGTON, DC — The Norwegian Nobel Committee’s decision to award US President Barack Obama with the Nobel Peace Prize this year has somewhat thrown a spanner in the works of his plans to invade the country.
In a White House statement released today, President Obama expressed both his appreciation for the recognition, and his disappointment that ‘his plans to turn Norway into a giant winter theme park is derailed’.
“We’re deeply honoured,” said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. “But the president is sure as hell not amused now that he can’t have his winter wonderland by Christmas this year.”
Gibbs explained Obama had been planning to send the US Navy Atlantic Carrier Group, a fleet of warships and aircraft, in addition to a number of nuclear submarines, to ‘obliterate all man-made structures and any signs of human civilisation’ in Norway, to leave a clean, snow-covered vast area of flora and fauna, a perfect place to start an all-year winter theme park.
“The first lady is an avid skier, and the president really loves his wife,” said Gibbs. “He was really hoping to top the Bulgari necklace Christmas gift he gave her last year with this theme park, tentatively called ‘Norwinter Wonderland’.
“But the Nobel Committe’s decision to award him with the Peace Prize for ‘his efforts to bring the world closer together in peace and harmony’ has truly made any plans to invade Norway unfeasible at this moment. I mean, it would be a PR nightmare — destroying the very people who honoured him for peace. It’d be so not politically correct.”
Gibbs also expressed his displeasure at how the Norwegian people handled the threat of being displaced by a theme park.
“They’re pretty sneaky, aren’t they? Somehow they got to know about our warships approaching their waters, and got the Nobel people to spring this on the president.
“Such manipulative bunch of bastards.”
Asked if the president had another country in mind to turn into the winter paradise, Gibbs said that the choices were limited.
“Sweden is quite nice, but President Obama knows that the First Lady has a liking for IKEA products, so invading that nation would not go down too well with her.
“I think the most likely scenario this year is that the president would be finding a replacement Christmas gift instead, and save Norway for next year. He’s still keen on raining hell upon the Scandinavian nation to get the winter park concept rolling, but let’s just say that this year, he’ll probably be going out shopping again.”