Rais: Let’s call it Demam Pukimako

Rais explaining the new name

KUALA LUMPUR — Fresh from being snubbed by the Health Ministry on his proposal that we revert to calling the H1N1 Influenza “Selsema Babi” (Swine Flu), Information Minister Datuk Seri Utama Dr Rais Yatim has proposed that the global pandemic be referred to as “Demam Pukimako” instead.

Speaking at a hastily-called Press conference at Angkasapuri today, Rais said that the proposal is tabled to avoid further confusion amongst the citizens, who now don’t know what to call the disease, which has taken over 1,000 lives worldwide.

“First it was ‘Swine Flu’ or ‘Selsema Babi’, and some people and some pigs got offended,” said Rais, annoyed. “Then it was ‘H1N1’, but then it was torn between either ‘H Satu N Satu’ or ‘H One N One’. I tried to make it simple by going back to the original, ‘Selsema Babi’, coz I think it’s a babi of a disease. But then some people don’t agree. So now, I say fuck it. Let’s call it for what it is.

“It’s a pukimak of a disease. It’s spreading, and we’re losing the war, despite everything we’re doing. So there. Pukimako.”

Asked if he took offence to the Health Ministry and the medical fraternity not accepting his previous proposal, Rais responded, “Pukimako.”

“They’re the ‘real’ doctors, yeah? Like the ‘Dr’ in front of my name don’t mean jack shit, yeah? Pukimako.”

Rais said that to make the name more complete, he also proposed a sign language hand gesture for the hearing impaired.

The Pukimako sign language gesture

“Take one hand, hold it like a fist, with the thumb area pointing upwards. Then slap that part of the hand loudly with the other palm, as you quietly mouth ‘Pukimako’. That should do the trick, especially when you’re describing your flu-like symptoms with your doctor, or officers from the Health Ministry.”

The Press conference ended as abruptly as it began, with Dr Rais screaming at the top of his lungs as he left, “PUKIMAKOOOOO!”