Death not telling who’s next to ‘vacate’ seat

Death entertaining requests to pose for the cameras

Death entertaining requests to pose for the cameras

NETHERWORLD UNDERNEATH KUALA LUMPUR — The Angel of Death declined to reveal the next member of Parliament or State Assembly who would be extinguished, to pave the way for more by-elections in Malaysia.

Asserting his right to remain silent, Death, also known as Grim Reaper, politely shrugged off questions of who’ll be next to die, after Manik Urai state seat became vacant  last Friday, following the death of assemblyman Ismail Yaacob from heart ailments.

“Look, I just get my orders from the top, and execute them,” said the Reaper, responding to a badgering from a journalist. “I’ve got my list, but it’s for my eyes only. Seriously. Leave me alone.”

Upon further persuasion to ‘just let something slip’ or ‘drop general hints’, Death merely said, “Sorry guys, my lips are sealed,” ignoring the fact that his head is a skull, and has no lips.

The death of Members of Parliament and State Assemblies has been one of the reasons there has been so many by-elections engulfing the nation after the 12th general elections in March 2008, in addition to resignations and party-hoppings. The by-elections have been a pain in the neck for the new PM Datuk Seri Najib Razak’s Barisan Nasional administration, with the opposition Pakatan Rakyat winning four out of five contests thus far. The real winners seem to be the people in the affected constituencies, as their towns would suddenly benefit from upgrading projects and development promises, in addition to the extra business brought by the supporters from all sides.

“It’s not my business who wins or loses,” added Death, when asked for a comment on the coming Penanti and Manik Urai by-elections. “Heck, it’s not even my business who lives and who dies.

“I just get my instructions from my Boss, and I do what I have to do,” he said solemnly, as he sharpened his millenia-old scythe he uses to take souls. “Member of Parliament or State Assembly? I don’t know. Don’t care. Ain’t my call.”

Asked if he enjoyed what he does, and whom he enjoyed ‘taking’ the most, the Reaper answered, “Well it’s a job. It’s a dirty one, but someone’s got to do it.

“However, I do admit that I let myself feel a little glee once in a while as I pull the lives out of some folks,” said Death, grinning from ear to ear, or the holes where ears would normally be on a human face. “My personal favourite has always been big shots who think they were gonna live forever. They amass their illegally- and immorally-gotten wealth, figuring that they’d be able to take it with them when they get snuffed. Some even think they could cheat death — and that’s cheating me, okay.

“You should see the look they always give me when I show up. It’s like, ‘Holy sh-t! You’re real??‘ Heheh. Cracks me up every time.

“But no, I’m not telling who’s the next sorry soul that’s going to vacate his or her parliamentary or state seat, sorry. The thing about my business is that it could be anyone, anywhere. Politician or non-politician.

“Heck, it could even be you,” quipped Death, as he left for another ‘assignment’, laughing.

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4 Comments

Filed under National News

4 responses to “Death not telling who’s next to ‘vacate’ seat

  1. Go get more Big Shots, Death!

  2. lol! nice one dude..funny giler

  3. maddy

    creepy funny man! keep it up.
    when they think they’re unstoppable and do everything to stay on top, thanks to mr.reaper here.
    crap!! i might be on the list too!

  4. Hahaha, good stuff man.

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