NEW YORK — Superheroine Wonder Woman, a member of the Justice League superhero group responsible for protecting the world, spent the whole of yesterday wondering about things, and says that she’s done doing wonderful things for other people.
Speaking from her Manhattan penthouse, Wonder Woman (real name Diana Prince), said that she began pondering the meaning of her life after celebrating her 64th birthday recently.
“I thought, ‘well hold on a minute!’.. I’ve spent all my life slaving to save the world, but have I ever thought about what I wanted?” said the Amazonian princess sent to this world to impart the ideal of ‘peace and harmony’.
“What about my needs? My feelings?”
The tall brunette, who dons a traditional Amazonian costume and whose superpowers include superstrength, flight ability and the cunning ability to look absolutely hot, continued, “All my friends back home have gotten married, have kids, joined the parents-teachers association and live normal lives. What about me? I mean, how long must a girl kick ass for the sake of truth, justice and democracy?”
“There’s gotta be more to life,” Wonder Woman wondered out loud, before breaking into the Stacie Orrico song of the same title.
Then, using a special tool that envisions possible future scenarios, Wonder Woman began ‘scanning’ how it would be like had she chosen another path and married her sweetheart, Superman.
“Oh my God! How wonderful!” she exclaimed, watching the couple with a little girl playing happily. “I’ve always wanted a girl. I’ve been wondering how it would be like… and there it is! No amount of villain-killing and life-saving of innocent bystanders are worth having that!”
As the scene changed to her cooking meals (albeit unsuccessfully) in the kitchen, Wonder Woman said, “How embarrassing! Oh well, I guess I’ve got to learn one day.”
The Amazonian beauty then proceeded to describe her dream home, complete with white picket fences, a nice rose garden and a wide frontyard, where her ‘daughter’ and her can play basketball and lift weights. “It’s my time now. The whole world can get screwed for all I care. The rest of the Justice League can take care of problems from now on.”
Wonder Woman then declared, “That’s it. I’m quitting this superhero stuff and marrying the Man of Steel today. I’m not any younger, you know!” she said, despite not looking a day over 40.
“And if Lana Lang or Lois Lane have any problem with that, I’ll rip their heads off with my ‘Lasso of Truth’ right here.”