KUALA LUMPUR — Malaysia’s Deputy Prime Minister cum Finance Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak announced today that the government has engaged the services of Voltron, Defender of The Universe, to help the country face the worst economic crisis since the ‘8Os. Voltron, a combination of five colossal robot lions, is said to be the perfect giant robot for the job.
“The government realises that there is an urgent need to arrest the decline of export demand, investor confidence and the public trust in all governing institutions,” said Najib at a press conference in his Putrajaya office, attended by three of the five lion pilots. “So we have enlisted the help of Voltron, whom I understand have solved many, many crises of epic proportions in the world before.”
It is understood that Voltron will start his arduous task by pumping up consumer confidence, which has been battered by the global recession that started with the sub-prime crisis in the US a year ago.
Captain Keith, Commander and leader of the Voltron Force said that the forces of good are ever so glad to be of service to Malaysia. “Malaysia has always supported our fight against evil in the universe, so it is only natural that we come to its rescue in their time of need,” he said. Captain Keith pilots the black lion, which forms the head of Voltron.
“Nothing is as important as saving Malaysia from the clutches of the evil recession,” said Lance, Voltron Force’s 2nd in command who pilots the red lion (right arm). “Sure, there are other threats to the universe — like that massive comet heading this way — but this is Malaysia. Malaysian kids have been rooting for us since the first time we began our run. Everything else is not as important!”
“Like a wedding?” asked pink-uniformed Princess Allura of the Planet Arus, who pilots the blue lion (right leg). “I mean, I postponed my wedding just to be in this mission. That says something about how important Malaysia’s economic recovery is.” It is learnt that the princess was due to be married to a Klargaard Baron, Ruler of the Planet Vispoo, in April, but she had deferred the ceremony to a later date.
Najib said that Voltron will provide the answers to every challenge that slams into Malaysia’s economy, via the ‘Super-Neuroplasmohydroxill V2 Solutionscope”, a complex piece of goggles that harnesses the metaphysical computing power in Voltron’s mainframe, and feeds the answers to any question to the wearer.
Demonstrating the use, the DPM said, “Right now, I can see the answer to the problem of rising unemployment in the country.
“But of course, I cannot make the answer public. We wouldn’t want our neighbours to steal our solution, do we now?” he asked, to the laughter of everyone in the hall.
“Let’s just say, when we ‘combine’ — no pun intended — Voltron’s superpowers and the spirit of Malaysia Boleh, we can get through these difficult times,” said Najib. “After all, Voltron is ‘loved by good, feared by evil’. And if the challenges get too messy, we can always FORM BLAZING SWORD!”
The other two Voltron pilots, Pidge and Hunk, are believed to be holidaying in Tokyo Disneyland and will join the mission next week.