OKAY: This is a parody. Fake. A joke NOT to be taken seriously or as an actual piece of news. If you can’t understand that, get the hell outta my blog and read factual stuff. Like Utusan.
KUALA LUMPUR — Home Minister Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Hussein today called last weekend’s BERSIH rally ‘a failure’, pointing out that the air quality in the city has not only stayed dirty and smoggy, it got worse.
“So much for bersih,” said Hishammuddin mockingly at a Press conference held at a hotel compound here. “I would think that with the tens of thousands of supporters crowding the city to lend their energy cleaning the air, at least KL folks would be able to breathe some clean, fresh air this week, but it is still unbelievably dirty out there! It smells like smoke, for goodness sake!”
The Home Minister said that the government had not expected the BERSIH 2.0 rally, a sequel to the 2007 event, to succeed in cleaning the air, and was not surprised the rally failed to bring the Air Pollution Index (API) number down.
“This morning alone the API reading was somewhere between 90 to 100, which can’t be healthy at all, I must say,” he said, covering his nose in disgust while pointing to the smog engulfing the city centre. “That was why the auuthorities had been against the BERSIH movement all these while, we knew their efforts would not make any difference to the air quality. It’s pointless, only causes inconvenience to the already suffocating KL people and at the end of the day, is an exercise in futility. We want them to go do something more productive and healthy, like enjoying the weekend with their families.
“I’m fighting hard not to choke from the suffocating smog here!” he said, gesturing reporters back indoors where the air is conditioned, filtered, purified and scented by the hotel for good measure.
“I know it rained a little during their rally, I suppose their cloud-seeding efforts worked somewhat,” he continued. “But look at where we are today? The smog got worse instead. I can barely recognise the landscape. Visibility is back to just one kilometre, making it difficult for a lot of people like pilots, tourists and birdwatchers,” he said, pointing to the layer of dust on the other side of the window overseeing the city.
When asked about the fires in Sumatra and Borneo which may have contributed to the drop in air quality, Hishammuddin said that his intelligence officers did brief him about some foreign element in BERSIH.
“Yes, we have long suspected that some outside forces were in cahoots with the BERSIH organisers. One theory is that the foreign elements were inducing the bad air in Kuala Lumpur, so that BERSIH have reason to continue holding more rallies. But we are on to their ploy.
“Look, even the government has tried many ways to clean the smog and improve the air quality, but even with our formidable resources, we have only had limited success. What more a ragtag group of NGOs trying to chant their way to clean the air? It’s a waste of time,” he said, ending the conference, coughing.
When contacted, BERSIH chairperson Dato’ Ambiga Sreenevasan said the BERSIH rally was a success, and would continue organising such events, as long as the need is still there.
“Yes, there were problems last weekend, we had some issues with communications, safety and crowd control,” she said. “But the next time, we aim to be more organised and perhaps, introduce more commercial elements in the rally. We’re talking to the Malaysian Rally Association to bring some big international names in the rally circuit, just to add some spice to the event. Imagine having seven time world champion Sébastien Loeb or Norway’s Petter Solberg racing their all-wheel-drive machines down Jalan TAR, or even our own Flying Sikh, Karamjit Singh doing some fancy drifting in Dataran Merdeka, burning rubber – wouldn’t that be awesome?”
Ambiga said that future rallies would still be done in Kuala Lumpur, despite the authorities’ instructions to hold them outside city limits.
“What’s the point of holding a street rally in some kampung or offroad path? That makes us no different than the usual rallies held all over the world. BERSIH wants to make a difference, so let’s be different!”