Asia’s Biggest Loser loses rest of body weight, disappears into thin air

JAKARTA — Indonesian David Gurnani, 25, who last week took home US$100,000 and a car after shedding more than half his bodyweight, from 157kg to merely 74kg, in the first Asian version of popular weight-loss reality show Biggest Loser, has completely disappeared from the face of the planet after continuing with his diet and workout routine, finally losing the other half.

ULTIMATE LOSER ASIA: David Gurnani before the show, at the finale and now

Speaking from his family home, Gurnani’s weightless spirit said that winning the show inspired him to continue his maniacal quest to lose weight, which he started at the beginning on the show late last year.

“Winning the show was initially my goal,” said Gurnani, warmly referred to as ‘King David’ on the show, as his invisible aura floated above the sofa in the living room. “But after losing so much of my body weight and fat right before the finale, I discovered a new, more confident me. The 100 grand wasn’t the point anymore, nor was the car. The point was the weight loss. I realised I could shed as much weight as I wanted, and it was then that I wanted to go all the way.

Reducing his already spartan daily intake of water, air and one raisin, Gurnani decided to cut the water and raisin, after learning each raisin had 2 calories and water retention could impair his weight loss plans.

“In the beginning, it was hard,” Gurnani admitted. “After my weight dropped to 5kg, I could not even lift what was left of my finger. I could feel the weight of my bones and skin holding me down.

“But after thinking about my ultimate goal, which is to be weight-free, I somehow garnered this amazing strength to move about and continue with my routine,” he said, adding that the largest organ on a human body was the skin, and for him, most problematic to shed.

“Having achieved zero-fat and zero-muscle mass content, I was left with my skin, whose weight I thought would be impossible to lose,” said the now ethereal being softly, as he struggled to keep steady what with the ceiling fan being on at half speed. “However, I discovered an ingenius way to shed it — by baking myself in the hot sun. After a full day, my skin became so flaky and dusty, it literally broke apart and fell off!” said Gurnani gleefully, his laughter freakishly echoing around the room.

“And then there was my skeleton,” he continued, voice cracking. “I thought, now, if I were to wait until my skeleton vanishes, it would take forever. I couldn’t wait that long — I mean, look at the ice man remains and the Egyptian mummies!

“So I was left with two choices: either I self destruct by cremating whatever’s left of my body, or I eat myself into oblivion. Seeing that cremating still leaves ashes behind, which still weighs a few grammes, I decided on the latter.

“After consuming my own bones from my toes to the very tip of my skull, I finally became absolutely nothing. I am now zero weight.”

Asked how life has changed after achieving his ultimate goal, Gurnani said that he has now transcended into a whole new level of being.

“I have no physical limits, really. Having removed physicality from the equation, I am pure energy. A zero-fat, zero-weight energy. If light had weight, I wouldn’t have a problem either, as I am now also completely invisible,” he explained, soaring across the room freely.

“Having realised my ultimate dream, I feel no more pressure. I have absolutely nothing more to lose. I feel as if this burden has been lifted off my shoulders.

“That is, if I had shoulders,” he ended the interview, laughing happily.

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11 Comments

Filed under Features, Lifestyle, Showbiz

11 responses to “Asia’s Biggest Loser loses rest of body weight, disappears into thin air

  1. I LOVE THIS! So hilarious hahahahaha

  2. dill

    this is the best interview of the king david ever.

  3. The ultimate loser! Hahaha..he sounds so happy haunting about in his big mansion. Nice one, man.

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  5. pita & ze POO

    Tickling to the core! Imagine if this was published mainstream…you’ll take laughter to a whole new storm!!!EEEEEEHehehehe

  6. Violet

    This is so true. I am the king’s most beloved supporter and I too, would like to become a loser by starving myself and becoming obsessed with losing weight. Yes yes the king is a spirit now… And he has totally suceeded in making a mockery of the tv show the biggest loser Asia by doing so. Who cares about health when you can be lighter than air?!? King David is truly the biggest loser here. Hail to the king…..!

  7. tans

    hahahahah! hilarious!!

  8. Dan

    Now he can be phantom voter in next GE.

  9. LOL this is really hilarious! How much does he get by losing the rest of his body i wonder

  10. sengwai

    really like this skodeng fella!

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